Session 4:  Conflict And The Biblical Resolution

Look at the list of words.  Circle three descriptions below that you most often hear people say about couples or about what the marriage expectations should be.

Successful          Loving       Fulfilled       Happy       Well-suited       Compatible    Cute Couple  

Heaven-made match    Bright future    

Almost every church wedding will provide a “picture” of what a Godly union will look like.  Did we really comprehend or think deeply about what the real meaning of marriage was as we each approached married life?  Did we really think about how a Godly or God-centered marriage would be fleshed out?

How many of us thought about what we would have to give up in the marriage relationship?  Probably not many of us.  The majority of us would have to admit that we were actually thinking about what we would gain.

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Definition of Conflict:

Battle of the Wills…whose wills are we talking about?

Why is their conflict?  Why do we as couples struggle? 

James 4:1-10

What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? [2] You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. [3] You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. [4] You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. [5] Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: "He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us"? [6] But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble." [7] Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. [8] Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. [9] Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning, and your joy to gloom. [10] Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

The issue of conflict is our hearts. 

Jeremiah 17:9-10, says,

    "The heart is deceitful above all things,

    And desperately wicked;

    Who can know it?

So how can I know the issue of my heart?

 [10] I, the Lord, search the heart,

    I test the mind,

    Even to give every man according to his ways,

    According to the fruit of his doings.

Psalms 139:23 Psalm 139:23-24

    Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    Try me, and know my anxieties;

    [24] And see if there is any wicked way in me,

    And lead me in the way everlasting.

Who wins most of your conflicts?  Why is winning so important?  Who will win?  Who will sin?  Who is the true ruler of your heart?

•  So, what is it that I need to know?  I need to seek MOTIVE

•  What did I want?  What do I want most of all?

•  Why is it that I want that?  Why is it so important?

•  What is the result of my striving after that?

•  What is my response?

•  Where is God’s glory in the conflict? 

•  What is God’s desire for the resolution?   

•  When we are living out Philippians 2:3,4; Luke 9:23,24; James 4:6-10, what becomes of conflict?

 Philip. 2:3,4

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; [4] do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

 Luke 9:23-24

And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. [24] "For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.